Bronnie Ware is an Australian nurse who spent several years caring for patients in the final weeks of their lives. She documented their dying words in a blog called Inspiration and Chai, which became so popular she put her observations into a book called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.
Ware observed how much people grew when faced with their own death. Some changes were phenomenal. In their final weeks on earth patients gained understanding, acceptance, wisdom and peace.
They also had regrets. “When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently,” she says, “common themes surfaced again and again.” Below are the most common five regrets of the dying.
Top Five Regrets of the Dying
Here are the top five regrets of the dying, as witnessed by Bronnie Ware:
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
“This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.”
2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
“This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.”
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
“Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.”
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
“Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.“
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
“This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.”
Bronnie’s plea to the world is “Live true to your own heart’s song.” As well as expressing a great love for the planet, Bonnie’s hope and intention is to encourage people on their own journey towards self-love. The Top Five Regrets of the Dying – A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing has been translated into 27 languages.
Where are you on your journey towards self-love and authenticity?
- What steps will you take towards creating a life that is true to yourself?
- How will you create a life in which you work less?
- Do you have the courage to express your inner-most feelings?
- When will you create a life where you are happier?
- What do you want to set out to achieve or change before you die?