How to find my soul mate? If you’ve ever experienced a profound soul mate connection, you’ll know what a powerful, lingering effect they can have.
Even though the attraction stage can be thrilling and magical, not all soul mate connections are destined to end up ‘happy ever after’.
Many are to help you grow and evolve, and the spiritual connection lasts well after the physical or geographical contact has ended.
“How to find my soul mate?” was a question I got asked frequently over the seven years I worked as a professional psychic and healer in central London.
There is this notion that having a ‘soul mate’ is romantic – the stuff of fairy tales.
Initially, I has my doubts about whether such things really existed.
(In honesty, I felt wary of falling for a cliché – especially as I’d never wanted to get married + I didn’t believe in finding ‘the one’!)
I had a theory that this yearning for a soul mate connection was just an urge – programmed deep into our DNA – to return to the safety of the womb.
Yet, the soul mate connection issue came up time and time again, in psychic readings and healing.
I noticed that “How to find my soul mate?‘ and similar questions (such as “When will I find my soul mate?“; even “What will my soul mate look like?“) were a high priority for many people.
For some, there was a sense that something was missing… that could be found ‘out there’ in their fated ‘other half’.
For others, who’d already been through an intense soul mate encounter, the after-effects were far-reaching and impactful.
Not only that, but the channelled messages for each person were often similar: providing comfort, guidance + relief for those in recovery.
The soul mate theme was so common, in fact, that I was forced to change my prejudices about the whole thing!
Below are 5 ways you can attract your soul mate, in part by shifting your expectations and perceptions.
I hope this article will help you answer the question: ‘How to find my soul mate?’.
And, to give you a new perspective on how soul mate connections work, and what might be blocking a soul mate from coming into your life.
You get some some extra resources to help speed up the process at the end, too!
Q. How to find my soul mate? A. They’ll find you, but you might not like it
Many people have misconceptions about the notion of a ‘Soul Mate’. I remember reading a fantastic book by Sue Minns (SoulMates, 2005) that clearly explained in everyday language what you can expect from a soul mate connection. Sadly, from Sue’s account, a soul mate connection is not always hearts and flowers.
This book appeared at a very pertinent time in my life – as they often do – and helped me understand, navigate and overcome what was undoubtedly a very powerful and destructive soul mate connection.
My attempts to come to terms with what had happened between myself and a ‘soul mate’ led me into a process of self-enquiry which included hypnosis for past life regression.
I needed answers desperately. The subsequent soul-searching led me deeper and deeper into the spiritual realm. Here I was forced to consider the notion of ‘past lives’ and ‘soul mates’ seriously.
During hypnosis, my subconscious threw up a lifetime in the middle ages:
I was a ‘wise man’ who has been summoned to serve in the court of the king of the land. I saw a picture of sloping meadows and a man on a horse who had the same energy as my ‘soul mate’ in this lifetime. He seemed delighted that I was unhappy to leave the place and family I loved to work for the king. Next, I was in the king’s court, it was crowded with people, politics and gossip. I was miserable but trapped.
Strangely, this is the exact feeling that my soul mate connection in this lifetime had given me!
Though this dramatic storyline could be dismissed as fantasy or the mind’s attempt to bring meaning and logic to a bad situation; this blurry vision sparked my curiosity.
I went on to read, and be impressed by, Dr Brian Weiss’s best-selling Many Lives, Many Masters.
It’s currently impossible to prove past lives exist by scientific study, but Dr Weiss’s book presented compelling anecdotal evidence.
Additionally, as he is a medical doctor, his research cannot be as easily dismissed by sceptics.
Q. How to find my soul mate? A. Which one?
Evidence points to the fact that we have many ‘soul mates’ throughout our lifetime: family, friends, colleagues and acquaintances.
Have you ever felt that ‘recognition’ – the feeling of having known someone a very long time even at first meeting?
You may have had soul mates as colleagues, a best friend, other friends, lovers, and teachers.
All have left a significant imprint on your history.
How do you know when a person is a soul mate and you have a soul mate connection?
Well, the relationship feels deep; words are less important than the energy being expressed; there is an intuitive understanding and, frequently, a shyness, due to how much we are each ‘seeing’ into each other’s core.
If you don’t consciously pay attention to a subtle inner knowing, the universe might SHOUT IT AT YOU.
One way to find out is by using tarot cards!
The Six of Cups from the Rider Waite Tarot Deck is a sure sign of a soul mate connection.
If you make an inquiry about a person using tarot, you may be told in no uncertain terms: THIS IS A SOUL MATE CONNECTION.
(NB. I’m a really big fan of Collette Baron-Reid’s Wisdom of the Oracle App)
Q. How to find my soul mate? A. Learn to love your ‘true self’
Back to the question: How to find my soul mate? There are two factors to consider.
The first is the question of whether you are actually ready to meet them. By that I mean:
• Is your house in order?
• Are there private matters that you need to get on with, resolve, deal with or complete, prior?
• Do you feel in a position for the right person to enter your life?
• Have you got baggage to clear or old loves to let go of?
• If you invited a soul mate to your house, tomorrow, would you feel comfortable with their impression of you?
Secondly, consider your relationship with yourself, i.e. do you actually love yourself?
If your answer is yes, then you should demonstrate self-love on a frequent basis. This means self-care, life-affirming pastimes, time spent focussing on you and self-loving actions, like positive self-talk.
People who take these affirmative self-loving actions do notice a lessening of stress and drama in all areas of life, as well as a blossoming of healthy, respectful relationships.
Loving yourself is an action, not an intellectual concept. If you are not actively loving yourself then you are sending a message that you are not important or worth time / effort. You are likely to attract a partner who mirrors this attitude.
If you find self-love and self care difficult, then you may like to join my Home School, which offers accountability for positive habits + goals.
Q. How to find my soul mate? A. YOU need to be your own soul mate first
One of the most vital aspects of loving yourself is being able to be alone with yourself.
If your have difficulty spending time by yourself it is possible that:
a) you don’t know your true self very well and therefore connecting with your true, deeper ‘self’ is scary and alien;
b) you have a co-dependent style of relating, i.e. you do things for people to make yourself indispensable or to feel needed, therefore other people’s problems are always present to distract you from your own issues; and/or;
c) there may be an unconscious fear of abandonment (of being alone in the universe), which arises when you don’t have the distraction of having other people around you or their problems to deal with.
All of these three elements are completely human and not shameful in any way.
Yet, until dealt with, it’s possible that you will not be ready to enter into a life partnership with a spiritual soul mate.
This is because any unresolved issues will manifest in the soul mate relationship and thus hinder the growth that you and your soul mate were destined to enjoy together.
Q. How to find my soul mate? A. You are not ready yet
Sometimes a client would ask “How to find my soul mate?” and the guidance that came through indicated they were not yet ready on all levels, information on a potential future soul mate (or soul mates) would be withheld and their attention would be re-directed to other matters.
They simply would not get the direct answers they were seeking, no matter how hard I tried or how many times I re-phrased their soul mate question.
At least not with me. No doubt they could go to another psychic who was not as ethical and be told what they wanted to hear.
The exceptions to this rule would be when a client was disproportionately fearful or doubtful about their future; then there would sporadically be a flurry of detailed information about a potential future soul mate.
After this happened a number of times, I deduced that the function of this spontaneous future insight was to give the client hope during a particularly difficult time or tumultuous change.
These instances were very different from the readings with clients who were in a stable place but need a push to take more action to change certain aspects of their life.
It was always my intention during each session to tune into and channel the highest and best wisdom. This high intelligence seemed to make an executive decision that people in the latter circumstances were better served by not being given the specifics of a future soul mate connection.
Possibly this was because having this knowledge could make a person complacent and less willing to act, challenge themselves and grow.
There might be a tendency – again, a totally normal human tendency as it is the ego’s job to keep us safe – to speculate: “I see. So now that I know XX will show up on XX date everything is going to be okay. Therefore I don’t actually need to do X, Y or Z. I can just wait.”
Q. How to find my soul mate? A. Stop looking and start creating space
In most cases of this kind that I witnessed, the client would be gently guided back to the here and now, and nudged in the direction of what steps they can take in the present to attract the highest and best person into their life.
Sometimes these steps would be mundane; ‘learn to meditate‘, ‘start drawing again‘, ‘develop a more assertive communication style‘, even ‘clean your house‘!
It also became clear that some people literally did not have any space in their life for new people to enter: whether time-wise or energy-wise.
For example, they were too busy, over-committed, stressed or overwhelmed with other stuff to do. Other times, it was revealed that people were unconsciously holding on to a past love and this energetic attachment was blocking new people from showing up in their life.
This particular subject (relationship cords) came up periodically, so I eventually recorded a guided meditation to help clients remove these attachments and clear their own energy field.
Q. How to find my soul mate? A. You need to let the last one go
Sometimes the soul mate that a person was struggling to leave behind emotionally was actually a soul mate connection that had run its course.
Soul mates are drawn together to share certain experiences, help each other grow (sometimes through difficulty or challenges) and complete certain lessons in each lifetime.
Even a soul mate connection that causes a lot of pain includes hidden gifts that only become apparent years later. You may wonder: who am I to decide whether or not a relationship is a soul mate connection or not?
Well, I agree with you – exactly. But part of my job was to get myself (my ego, my opinions, my prejudices, judgements and scepticism) out of the way so that the higher energy could reach the client in its unedited form.
To that extent, I was nothing more than a translator. I had to be loyal to what the reading was trying to tell me, regardless of whether or not I agreed with or believed in the things it was saying.
I believe in the notion of ‘soul mates’ because it was such a regular theme. There was a high number of people who either:
a) came for a relationship reading who were already with a soul mate, or;
b) came for a relationship reading but were single but still attached to a soul mate from the past.
The reason I said this with confidence was that after several years of giving professional readings, I deduced a pattern from the appearance of the 6 of Cups card in the Rider Waite Tarot deck.
The 6 of Cups card was significant to me as, long before I was reading for people professionally, I did tarot readings for myself. The 6 of Cups tarot card was always the card that indicated a soul mate connection.
Hence, I took that meaning forward when I started to give paid readings. The 6 of Cups tarot card would either show up during a tarot reading or appear clairvoyantly.
Q. How to find my soul mate? A. Be patient
This brings me on to the final part of the “How to find my soul mate?” question: Divine Timing. Unfortunately, and as frustrating as it can be, I believe we can’t always schedule the appearance of a soul mate – even when our metaphorical house is in good order.
I have reached the conclusion that some things, including soul mate connections, really are pre-ordained, fated or destined to be. Such junctures in life come at pre-agreed times as part of a soul contract.
Practising the law of attraction is all very well (- and I do believe positive thinking combined with deliberate action towards goals often creates magical results).
Yet, that there are some elements of our lives that we do not have the power to change. (For more reading on this subject, I recommend Dr. David Hamilton’s Destiny Vs. Freewill, Hay House, 2007). Even though we may experience a human lifetime as an unbearably long time to wait for something to happen, in a universal sense, this timeframe is relatively insignificant.
To this extent, a degree of re-framing is necessary. I think of William Blake’s poem “To see a World in a Grain of Sand, And a Heaven in a Wild Flower, Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand, And Eternity in an hour.” Or Violet Fane prose (cc. 1892): “All things come to those who wait“.
I surmise that some of us have to develop the feeling of the love we crave within ourselves until that future time when the pre-ordained magic happens.
Meanwhile, three pieces of guidance from the Masters, for those nurturing a patient heart:
- Chop wood and carry water (Zen adage).
- Put your heart, mind, intellect and soul even to your smallest acts. This is the secret of success. Swami Sivananda.
- That which is a man’s own cannot be permanently lost. It comes to him of its own accord. He need only be able to wait. Hexagram 63: After Completion (I Ching, Bollingen Edition).
The last thing I would like to add to the “How to find my soul mate?” discussion is that, from my experience, soul mates arrive when we are least expecting them.
So, if you are waiting for that special soul mate connection, turn your attention to making your life the happiest it can be in the meantime.
You may be surprised by what the universe delivers when you are not looking or waiting for it.
Turn your attention to being grateful and content, pursuing goals that make you happy.
That way, you create a vacuum and leave the universe to get to work.
Into that space, the right person – the most compatible match for you – will be able to enter, with ease and flow.
Souls Mates Understanding the True Gifts of Intense Encounters by Sue Minns (Hodder Paperback, 2005)
The Soulmate Myth: A Dream Come True or Your Worst Nightmare? by Judy Hall (Flying Horse Books, 2010)
Further reading on this blog: